Want to comfort those who grieve but don’t know how? Most times, the right words fail us. We want to give comfort, but feel helpless.

Here are some practical things you can do to help comfort your dear one who is in grief:

Know and come to terms with your limits
The passing of a loved one is a traumatic experience; therefore, you must know that grieving is a natural process, and there is nothing you can do to spare his/her grief. It is a part of suffering a loss and is a way to adapt to the new situation.

Offer to help
You can mention specific areas you would love to be of help such as getting groceries or taking the kids to the school and so on. However, if you do not know how to be of assistance, you can ask. Make concrete suggestions about what you can do or do for him/her. Everybody mourns differently and what they need from their environment usually changes with the duration of the mourning so you must always ask periodically.

Be generous with your presence and also offer to listen to them
Your presence will go a long way to comfort someone in grief and it also shows them you care. Having people around is encouraging and makes the healing faster. Your mere presence is a way of telling them they are not in it alone and that you’re there for them.
Just listen patiently, even if they always say the same things.

If they don’t want to talk about their feelings, don’t force them
Some mourners avoid talking about anything that has anything to do with the deceased person, mostly out of fear of losing their composure. They just want to survive the day. If they go down this road planning joint activities is always a good option, maybe they will open up later.

Establish rituals
Establishing certain rituals such as visits and phone calls will go a long way. Call him/her at certain times. Rituals have something reliable – it shows you’ve not “forgotten” about them.

Encourage them to partake in activities
During the mourning phase it can be helpful for the mourner to be distracted from time to time.
Even if you get turned down try to encourage him/her again and again to participate in small activities. These activities can be a walk in the park, hiking, sports, fishing etc.

Recommend a mourning group
When he/she is with others who have suffered a loss, then he/she no longer feels as alone with his grief and can experience that other people have similar feelings and reactions as them.
You can offer to drive/accompany them to their meeting.

What to write in a Sympathy card

The sympathy card is a way to express condolences to the relatives of the deceased. In the emotionally charged situation of a death, this encouragement helps to cope better with the loss and the circumstances.

With the card, your personal sympathy would communicate to the recipient that he/she is not alone in this grief. These cards often use religious or secular literature, comforting words or poetry.
Unfortunately, expressing sympathy for someone who has lost a loved one, whether it is a family member, a friend or even a beloved pet can awkward for some. Finding the appropriate words to put together when trying to write a sympathy card is not an exception.

Here are some few tips to help you write a sympathy card:

• The sympathy card should be written and sent as soon as possible.
• Don’t over think your writing style. Keep it simple. The purpose of a sympathy card is to provide support and comfort. In most cases, the recipient won’t be bothered evaluating how you write.
• It is recommended you write your sympathy card by hand. We advise you to put your thoughts to paper on a draft sheet before rewriting them on the card proper.
• There are no rules as to the length of your message. A single sentence such as, “I am sorry to hear about your loss” can suffice.
• If you know the deceased very well, you can share a happy or funny memory about them in writing. Recollecting special moments will go a long way in comforting the recipient and can even put a smile on their faces.
• If the cause of death is tragic, we recommend you keep the note short. Offer assistance and ensure you follow-up on your offer.
• Remind the recipient they are in your thoughts and prayers.
• Close the sympathy note by offering help. This can be offering companionship, running errands, helping with a chore etc.

Coming up with the right words to say following the death of an individual is never a pleasant task. Torn between expressing sympathy and the fear of not saying that right thing fuels the uncomfortable feeling that arises when you want to speak.
If that is the case it’s best to just stay true, calm and collected.
Here are a few things to say when someone dies…

Be supportive
Most times, the solution is simple. If you’re at lost for words, keep it simple and tell them how sorry you are by just saying “I’m sorry;” showing you care – “I love you,” or simply express your genuine desire to support them by saying something like – “Just know I’m here for you.”

Talk about the good times you shared with the individual who passed
Sharing memories of someone who died can go a long way in providing comfort for someone mourning their loved one. When you talk about the good times and mention their name, it helps the healing process by allowing the bereaved to share a moment with their departed loved one as if they were together.

Try not to compare loses or claim you understand how they’re feeling
Avoid statements like “I understand…” even if you do or have gone through a similar situation in the past. When trying to provide condolence, know that it is about the bereaved and it is personal. So avoid making comparisons and don’t make it about your experience.

Avoid the temptation of starting a conversation with “Well, at least…”
In your bid to offer comfort, don’t get carried away and make statements like “Well, at least he lived a good life” or “At least, there are other children left.” Statements like these are insensitive and will defeat whatever good intentions you have. Note that the passing of a loved one is painful regardless of the conditions surrounding their death.

Steer clear of clichés and obvious religious condolences
Even if you are of the same faith, making statements like “Everything happens for a reason” or “He/she’s in a better place” can be counterproductive and unappreciated.

Ways to show sympathy

Visit:
Personal presence is sometimes much more complicated and can be very demanding for some. However, visiting the home of the deceased or surviving relatives to express your condolence will go a long way to show you care which is more important than object-based help. When someone experiences the loss of a loved one, he or she might feel overwhelming grief, disorientation and hopelessness. Often, the best support we can give does not come in the from of words but in the generosity of our presence.
Letting your friend know that you care by attending the funeral, visiting, calling and offering a hug can show them that they are not alone in their grief. Sometimes, a touch of the hand and a sympathetic look or hug can communicate most powerfully at a funeral or visitation service while also bringing comfort.

Listen:
Listening and understanding means being attentive and not only noticing someone else’s words but also noticing intonation, gaze and facial expression, gestures, attitude, and feeling the context.

To begin with, it would be nice to remain silent when the bereaved is speaking. Do not try to interrupt, but allow the speaker to express their opinion, give his/her interpretation or evaluate the situation. By the way, sometimes, the purpose of listening is not for you to understand what they are saying, but a means to vent locked-up emotions. So by allowing them to make his/her voice heard is an invaluable way to show sympathy.

Wish them well:
One thing is certain. Bereaved individuals appreciate all the expression of compassion – whether that is personal or via phone. So you should send your condolences via text, phone call, or face to face.
Do not be afraid that you will not find the right words or say something wrong. Remember that it is even more painful and uncomfortable to avoid the next of kin for fear of a ‘blunder’. If you express your condolences, the chance that you say something wrong is quite small.
If you don’t know what to say, it is okay if you simply say so – you can honestly state that you do not know what to say. Doing so will also be appreciated by the surviving relative.

Send a card or condolence letter:
There are different ways to show sympathy to someone who just lost a dear one. One of such is sending a card. Give it a more personal touch when you send a handwritten card- by writing your message by hand, you make your message own. The tone of your text depends on your relationship with the deceased and the next of kin. And depends on who died: is it a child, a parent or, for example, a colleague? You can express your feelings and compassion in a card or letter.
If you don’t find the right words so quickly, you can use a piece of text from a song. You could even use a poem or write one yourself.

Offer support
It can be extremely helpful for a grieving person to know they are not alone, both in the days immediately following a death and in the months and years after it. Pick up groceries, do household chores or help them organize bills in addition to visiting, signing the guestbook, sending a card, making a call and leaving condolences on an online obituary.

Flowers have been chosen for centuries to express certain emotions. For many people bringing flowers to funeral is an essential way to express their feelings. The choice is up to you, but care should be taken to ensure the flowers express the appropriate message.

When you want to honor the bereaved with flowers, two things should be considered when choosing. First, choose flowers that would have pleased the deceased. Thus, a bouquet with the deceased’s favorite flowers can be a sign of appreciation.

Secondly, the individual messages of the flowers should be noted. These can vary from place to place.
In addition to the deceased’s favorite flowers, flowers can be taken for burial with a very special message.

For the next of kin, a flower that serves as a forget-me-not, which, as the name already suggests, is against forgetting and thus for the eternal memory can be chosen. A rose flower can be used to express your love and affection for the dead. This flower also stands for the beauty of life.
Other types of flowers that are commonly used to show condolence include the Calla, which stands for “the resurrection,” the lily, which symbolizes honor, and the carnation which stands for love and friendship.

The color of the flowers you choose matters.
In many societies, death is very strongly associated with grief. No wonder dark clothes dominate many funerals because black symbolizes sadness and death. The flowers at a funeral are often used to lighten the mood. Thus, they should contrast the dark-coloured clothes. However, colorful bouquets are rarely used but recommended bright colors, such as white or cream-colored lilies, roses or Callas.

In many areas of life dress code has changed radically in the recent years. However, the dress code for funerals hasn’t changed much over the years.
When choosing to clothe for a funeral note that despite your preferences the occasion is not about you but about paying respect to the deceased through appropriate clothing and appropriate behavior.

The grieving relatives are also appreciative when they see that a guest has carefully chosen his clothes for the memorial service or funeral. This also shows that your concerns were shoved aside due to the unfortunate occasion.

Wearing Black at funerals

Black or other shades of dark color is still the most common and appropriate choice. Black is seen as a sign of mourning and is therefore appropriate for a funeral. Also, shoes, stockings and ties
should have dark tones.

The shirt or blouse under the jacket may be white as a contrast. Headgear such as baseball hats, short sleeves and shorts should be avoided. Also on the wearing of jeans should be waived.

Dress code for Children

Mourning clothing for children should also be appropriate for the occasion. Usually, children are not expected to buy black clothing for the funeral. Discreet or muted colors are still applicable. This means that even for children, bright colors and funny prints should be avoided.

Wearing jewelry at a funeral

In general, the maxim at funerals is: less is more. The bereaved relatives can regard striking or colorful jewelry as an unwanted expression of self. It is, therefore, advisable to use simple and subtle jewelry.

Make-up and hairstyles can also be worn discreetly. Best for a funeral is an inconspicuous day make-up and a well-groomed hairstyle.
In some instances, the mourners clothe themselves colorfully at a funeral. This is usually the case when the deceased has expressly desired this during his lifetime.
If the deceased was a member of a club or a uniform in his professional life, clubmates or colleagues would often wear them to the funeral. This expresses the respect and the attachment to the dead, while at the same time portraying their passion.

Eulogies are often held at a memorial service to honor the deceased and to reawaken positive memories of the departed. This provides relatives and friends with the opportunity to say goodbye to the dead peacefully.
Depending on where the memorial service takes place and whether it is secular or religious, a funeral eulogy can be given by a pastor, an orator or even by a family member.
A eulogy is one of the hardest speeches to write. This is especially true for people who have no practice in writing such.
A eulogy can contain not only personal descriptions of the deceased, such as interesting stories from his life but also quotes. Frequently, religious texts are used, such as biblical quotations. But secular texts, such as from the literature can also be used.
Generally, the structure of a eulogy includes:

• Salutations/Welcome greetings
• Introduction – cause of death, relationship with the deceased, or citations of the deceased
• Body – Anecdotes, Characteristics, Hobbies / Engagements
• Closing

The message should be positive and a representation of the deceased’s strengths. Weaknesses can also be mentioned – however, it is advisable to present them lightly and humorously.
Possible contents of the funeral speech:

• What kind of person was the deceased?
• Impact of the deceased on the life of those alive
• What was the deceased proud of?
• Special experiences with the deceased
• What did you learn from the deceased?
• What did he give you?
• What will you miss most about the deceased?

A eulogy can give hope and bring comfort by sharing positive stories from the life of the deceased. Additionally, it commemorates and remembers the deceased. In the end, an excellently written eulogy can be emotionally relieving.