Want to comfort those who grieve but don’t know how? Most times, the right words fail us. We want to give comfort, but feel helpless.

Here are some practical things you can do to help comfort your dear one who is in grief:

Know and come to terms with your limits
The passing of a loved one is a traumatic experience; therefore, you must know that grieving is a natural process, and there is nothing you can do to spare his/her grief. It is a part of suffering a loss and is a way to adapt to the new situation.

Offer to help
You can mention specific areas you would love to be of help such as getting groceries or taking the kids to the school and so on. However, if you do not know how to be of assistance, you can ask. Make concrete suggestions about what you can do or do for him/her. Everybody mourns differently and what they need from their environment usually changes with the duration of the mourning so you must always ask periodically.

Be generous with your presence and also offer to listen to them
Your presence will go a long way to comfort someone in grief and it also shows them you care. Having people around is encouraging and makes the healing faster. Your mere presence is a way of telling them they are not in it alone and that you’re there for them.
Just listen patiently, even if they always say the same things.

If they don’t want to talk about their feelings, don’t force them
Some mourners avoid talking about anything that has anything to do with the deceased person, mostly out of fear of losing their composure. They just want to survive the day. If they go down this road planning joint activities is always a good option, maybe they will open up later.

Establish rituals
Establishing certain rituals such as visits and phone calls will go a long way. Call him/her at certain times. Rituals have something reliable – it shows you’ve not “forgotten” about them.

Encourage them to partake in activities
During the mourning phase it can be helpful for the mourner to be distracted from time to time.
Even if you get turned down try to encourage him/her again and again to participate in small activities. These activities can be a walk in the park, hiking, sports, fishing etc.

Recommend a mourning group
When he/she is with others who have suffered a loss, then he/she no longer feels as alone with his grief and can experience that other people have similar feelings and reactions as them.
You can offer to drive/accompany them to their meeting.

What to write in a Sympathy card

The sympathy card is a way to express condolences to the relatives of the deceased. In the emotionally charged situation of a death, this encouragement helps to cope better with the loss and the circumstances.

With the card, your personal sympathy would communicate to the recipient that he/she is not alone in this grief. These cards often use religious or secular literature, comforting words or poetry.
Unfortunately, expressing sympathy for someone who has lost a loved one, whether it is a family member, a friend or even a beloved pet can awkward for some. Finding the appropriate words to put together when trying to write a sympathy card is not an exception.

Here are some few tips to help you write a sympathy card:

• The sympathy card should be written and sent as soon as possible.
• Don’t over think your writing style. Keep it simple. The purpose of a sympathy card is to provide support and comfort. In most cases, the recipient won’t be bothered evaluating how you write.
• It is recommended you write your sympathy card by hand. We advise you to put your thoughts to paper on a draft sheet before rewriting them on the card proper.
• There are no rules as to the length of your message. A single sentence such as, “I am sorry to hear about your loss” can suffice.
• If you know the deceased very well, you can share a happy or funny memory about them in writing. Recollecting special moments will go a long way in comforting the recipient and can even put a smile on their faces.
• If the cause of death is tragic, we recommend you keep the note short. Offer assistance and ensure you follow-up on your offer.
• Remind the recipient they are in your thoughts and prayers.
• Close the sympathy note by offering help. This can be offering companionship, running errands, helping with a chore etc.

Coming up with the right words to say following the death of an individual is never a pleasant task. Torn between expressing sympathy and the fear of not saying that right thing fuels the uncomfortable feeling that arises when you want to speak.
If that is the case it’s best to just stay true, calm and collected.
Here are a few things to say when someone dies…

Be supportive
Most times, the solution is simple. If you’re at lost for words, keep it simple and tell them how sorry you are by just saying “I’m sorry;” showing you care – “I love you,” or simply express your genuine desire to support them by saying something like – “Just know I’m here for you.”

Talk about the good times you shared with the individual who passed
Sharing memories of someone who died can go a long way in providing comfort for someone mourning their loved one. When you talk about the good times and mention their name, it helps the healing process by allowing the bereaved to share a moment with their departed loved one as if they were together.

Try not to compare loses or claim you understand how they’re feeling
Avoid statements like “I understand…” even if you do or have gone through a similar situation in the past. When trying to provide condolence, know that it is about the bereaved and it is personal. So avoid making comparisons and don’t make it about your experience.

Avoid the temptation of starting a conversation with “Well, at least…”
In your bid to offer comfort, don’t get carried away and make statements like “Well, at least he lived a good life” or “At least, there are other children left.” Statements like these are insensitive and will defeat whatever good intentions you have. Note that the passing of a loved one is painful regardless of the conditions surrounding their death.

Steer clear of clichés and obvious religious condolences
Even if you are of the same faith, making statements like “Everything happens for a reason” or “He/she’s in a better place” can be counterproductive and unappreciated.

Ways to show sympathy

Visit:
Personal presence is sometimes much more complicated and can be very demanding for some. However, visiting the home of the deceased or surviving relatives to express your condolence will go a long way to show you care which is more important than object-based help. When someone experiences the loss of a loved one, he or she might feel overwhelming grief, disorientation and hopelessness. Often, the best support we can give does not come in the from of words but in the generosity of our presence.
Letting your friend know that you care by attending the funeral, visiting, calling and offering a hug can show them that they are not alone in their grief. Sometimes, a touch of the hand and a sympathetic look or hug can communicate most powerfully at a funeral or visitation service while also bringing comfort.

Listen:
Listening and understanding means being attentive and not only noticing someone else’s words but also noticing intonation, gaze and facial expression, gestures, attitude, and feeling the context.

To begin with, it would be nice to remain silent when the bereaved is speaking. Do not try to interrupt, but allow the speaker to express their opinion, give his/her interpretation or evaluate the situation. By the way, sometimes, the purpose of listening is not for you to understand what they are saying, but a means to vent locked-up emotions. So by allowing them to make his/her voice heard is an invaluable way to show sympathy.

Wish them well:
One thing is certain. Bereaved individuals appreciate all the expression of compassion – whether that is personal or via phone. So you should send your condolences via text, phone call, or face to face.
Do not be afraid that you will not find the right words or say something wrong. Remember that it is even more painful and uncomfortable to avoid the next of kin for fear of a ‘blunder’. If you express your condolences, the chance that you say something wrong is quite small.
If you don’t know what to say, it is okay if you simply say so – you can honestly state that you do not know what to say. Doing so will also be appreciated by the surviving relative.

Send a card or condolence letter:
There are different ways to show sympathy to someone who just lost a dear one. One of such is sending a card. Give it a more personal touch when you send a handwritten card- by writing your message by hand, you make your message own. The tone of your text depends on your relationship with the deceased and the next of kin. And depends on who died: is it a child, a parent or, for example, a colleague? You can express your feelings and compassion in a card or letter.
If you don’t find the right words so quickly, you can use a piece of text from a song. You could even use a poem or write one yourself.

Offer support
It can be extremely helpful for a grieving person to know they are not alone, both in the days immediately following a death and in the months and years after it. Pick up groceries, do household chores or help them organize bills in addition to visiting, signing the guestbook, sending a card, making a call and leaving condolences on an online obituary.